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Thursday, February 17, 2011


Yesterday, 17th of February, exactly 3 days after valentine's day and 2 days after Maulidur Rasul. We had a presentation, for assignment (A SURVEY OF PROSE FORMS AND POETRY)...

We had to submit two assignments at the same time and there was not much time given for us to work on it. On Friday, February 11th, morning 8.00 a.m to 10.00 a.m We had a briefing given by **********..She had wasted 2 hours only for a briefing. 

I wanted to yell at her to just continue with our lecture instead of blabbering about her own life and unnecessary things...

But I couldn' I decided to sleep and waited for class to finish. But that is not my intention here, I want to share something else, something different today. 


Here is the real deal...I have not respected few of my lecturers and my former teachers. I can see the result that I think have affected my life. For an example, when I was in secondary school. I did not treated all my teachers fairly. There was one teacher who I think did a reasonably and incredibly job teaching us passionately. She gave us a lot of work that I couldn't finish and also, she was really something, she can teach us all the time without even concern about her own life (husband and kids)..She is really something, I adore her determination,,,But!!! when she got promoted to "Penolong kanan hal ehwal pelajar" students affairs, then all her dirty BIG secrets revealed. She started to rule everyone, including me...But I still liked her, unfortunately, she seemed to lost her passions because of work loads. I really think holding a position wouldn't do any good to us. She had to attend meetings, skipping classes (with replacements) and we never liked it. so, we started to talk bad about her and I regretted it for that. It was never my intention to slander about her or about anyone, but she forced me, she forced us. so the result was, my Geographical studies, I got a B for that. It was really pathetic isn't it? 

I'm flushed btw what's with this picture?

Rants above is only a deviation of what I wanted to talk today. yea about my assignments, i did a handsome job, finishing them before due date and I even get the chance to cross-check them. A linguistics essay and power point presentation for so called ES (English studies). on Friday, the day when we had the briefing, I went to UM's library, researching for materials and after 4 hours of hard work, I finally got few notes regarding human language and animal communication. I was so proud at myself, I skipped assembly to look for the materials (when can I value myself like this? this is already an ideal time). so yea I did. So I spent my 2 days time to work on 2 assignments, I did not have a very good sleep within the 2 days. I think I managed to sleep only for few hours for the whole 48 hours that day. I worked hard, I slept, hoping that my next day will be fruitful and productive. 

So, it was Monday yesterday. The day where I need to present my slide show. I was confident, coming to class as usual. But it was a little bit different that I forgot everything that morning, I brought my laptop with me, but my wallet I left it at home, luckily I always had this habit to put extra money in my pockets, so I fumbled them all and I found RM15. I was so lucky, so I got into class and phoohh Miss Pat was already in class, my heart was pumping very fast, so sudden, it's not that I was excited seeing, looking at her, but I think something is not going to be right, I thought. She wanted to continue with the presentation as fast as we can. I told Kak Kimah that something's really fishy was going to happen. 

We set everything up and we used Miss Pat's laptop to start off with everything but her laptop is so ancient it couldn't play the videos we intended to play. It was an omen for us. Qing yi offered her laptop and yeah the videos, everything played well. But the thing was, I stumbled like I have never used English language before, my skills are tarnishing, even now. I can see that my language has becoming worse and i don't have confidence in me. I wonder how Malaysia can produce a good English teacher if we are made locally. I'm so sorry, in advance if you found a lot of grammatical mistakes and sentences which do not make any sense here.

So my presentation, it went very badly. I was speechless, I was down I'm suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck ......I admit that I looked down at people, I felt superior, but I don't now why do I feel superior, I don't have anything special in me, I can't do anything and I'm helpless. 

I have made up my mind, I want to start everyday afresh...I will not underestimate people, I will talk more and I hope my language will get better. Please get better baby! I need you...till then, enough with my rants...  
 whatever it is, we need to respect people, my skills are tarnishing because I talk bad about people, God has done his job very well, to make me realise that I'm not that good, that I need to make myself better even though I'm quite content with what I have now.I need to change myself,change his perception towards me so he can change what he has set for me,,,

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