CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 3

MIXED UP

He was still good. Still capable of giving me contentment. But business was still going to be business. We had our dinner a bit late that evening. About 10pm. It was supposed to be time for my usual supper. I didn’t mind it, he was with me. Our dinner was light, I didn’t dare to take up heavy dinner, I was warned that my cholesterol reading wasn’t so good nowadays. I guessed I was pretty young to be fallen with diseases. I started working. Asking him inside and out regarding the case. I treated him as a real client. Deep inside, I was mesmerized, captivated by his ‘man’ scent. His pheromone was too powerful, it was inevitable. My eyes darted to his hands, throat and other body coordination’s. I was taught to detect deceivers from the way they behave. He behaved normally. Normal enough for me.

“She died three days ago?” I didn’t give too much interest on this case. I hated her. I had to thank to whoever had killed her. I grinned to myself. Giving a fake smile and Alexs reacted towards it.

“Why were you smiling? She had died and they accused me for killing her.” He started to backing himself up.

“I know, you don’t have to tell me that, I’m all aware. Where were you when she was killed? You don’t have concrete alibi to defence yourself”.

“I wasn’t in the town; I was attending a meeting with executives from  Em-Kay Trading. We were there for three days. When I got here, I came to know that she had died”. He answered me nonchalantly.

“I believe that, but we need evidences, or else, I couldn’t help you. I’m trying my level best to help you”. I coaxed him, to reveal other information about her, about himself, about anything.

“I didn’t kill her!” He was screaming vehemently. I just wanted to help but he wasn’t in the mood to listen. I was too pushy. I waited for him to calm himself down and started talking back.

“I know this ain’t going to be easy. But you gotta believe me, I couldn’t care less about her”. I was happy that she had died. “But you have to move on, I mean, you have to tell me what you know”. I knew this was going to be tough. I hated him at times like this, he was like some creature that wouldn’t be easy to handle when he got mad. I didn’t say anything wrong, I thought, so far. “Who cares? Anyway, if you feel like you don’t want to continue then that’s it! I’m leaving. At the moment he saw me leaving, his face turned very cold and icy. He knew he was wrong; a sudden force of remorse surrounded him. I walked slowly, knew that he was going to call me. “I don’t care; this is the only way he would learn. I’m the real bitch!” I muttered silently. Few steps before I reached my car, he called. This time it was different. There was something else, his heart was screeching out loud, but I couldn’t hear it. It’s a broken hearted man that needed to be treated. He was pathetic. I pitied him. I stopped and waited. Few seconds were gone; he reached for my hands and hugged me.

“What is wrong with you?” he took my hands and walked to the car, he didn’t answer. “I need you, I didn’t need her”. He whispered. Yeah you needed me; you had made the biggest mistake attached to her. I knew somehow you would regret it. God answered my prayers. Just like the movies, that’s how it should be.

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 2

COMPETITION

“What’s going to happen to us? We are growing older; your family might want you to get married”. I began the conversation with low sulky voice.

“I’m not sure, I think we are going to move into new house after two or three years. Well that is what my father told me”. He was grumbling about it too.

“So are we going to separate?” I needed to know the answer.

He didn’t attend to my question but he hugged and kissed me. It was pathetic though. I knew this was going to happen. His father was a pious and actively participated in almost all religious activities. But I turned him this way. In the world full of liars and uncertainty. He was very ‘gentleman’ and we were in love. I personally didn’t think it was wrong; people have their own rights and choices. Even the emperor of China has thousands of concubines, and it wasn’t wrong for him to do so too. But the fact was only that, I was his ‘intimately’ associated friend.

“This is your new assignment”. My boss told me. Everyone called him ‘Duck’. I was new in the firm so I wasn’t sure why. It was probably be that because his mouth was big, especially on the upper lips and he talked a lot, giving away instructions and orders that annoyed people. I was asked to defence someone who was accused for murdering his own fiancée. My client was 25 years old, too young to be married. Tying knot wasn’t simple and I chose not to get married at all. It was a waste of time, money and maybe energy. For a fine woman like me, I didn’t think and didn’t feel the need to get married. It was not necessary. “screw those who married!” I grumbled.

I read through my client’s particular. My hands were quivering, my whole body was shivering. All information about my client suited him! It was him. My client was Alexs and I was correct. His fiancée Natrah was killed.

“This is going to be interesting!”. I grimaced. I never knew that he had a fiancée, someone who I knew very well. Someone I hated. I was relieved knowing she had died, at least my competition had lessen. I was on my way to regain my lost soul partner. I can sometimes be imbecile, and plus she had died. I would not felt remorse that I talked bad about her. Truthfully, I swore a lot of bitching words to her. She deserved to die. I must thank the murderer for killing her and I wouldn’t care to give him money if he insisted.

Natrah was my childhood rival. We were in debate team in different school of course. We competed and my team lost in the first round thanks to her. Her language skill was really good; she used phrase and words that I had never heard. Other than that, we were also fallen in love with the same guy. Alexs.

I didn’t play fair fairly. I knew that they were in loving. But Alexs and I were in love too. He was sexually strong and he used it in its best way. I couldn’t help it but to compete with her. I had a bigger chance winning. I knew I had something that she didn’t have. I realized something. Humans cannot adhere and abide with rules. Be it stringent or lenient. Deceivers and cheaters would always find their way. So did I. I played the part as an antagonist. I cheated them. Both Alexs and Natrah.

I met Natrah in cybercafé, one day. It wasn’t a plan, coincidently met her. I didn’t realize her presence then she greeted me. “Hey long time no see, after our last debate”. She grinned at me. I was shocked and mortified. She knew there was no way I could beat her and she played dirty mind game with me. Then we walked inside the cybercafé and took a seat close to each other. I didn’t know if I had taken a good seat or not. Close to my own rival? I hated her to the utmost. Then I thought of something good for me and evil for Alexs and Natrah. I started the conversation although I was not the type that would go for a talk first. I let people talk to me first. But this time was different. Devil in me pushed me that I would regret if I didn’t let the plan go as what he had arranged. God helped me, devil helped me too. I needed to separate them and in the end I would be together with Alexs. Only two of us. “Natrah, you can go to hell!”

“How is Alexs?”. I whispered to her, started the conversation.

“He seems fine; I talked to him last night. She answered without looking at me. I needed to kill her; I thought she was extremely obnoxious and annoying. I never felt so much hatred in my entire life. I talked to him too you bitch! My hands were quivering, stopping myself from banging her head to the computer’s screen. But I couldn’t spread that word and action out; I let them in my thought. I knew I had to play safe.

“Want to know something? Something interesting. This is regarding Alexs, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to miss this one”. I provoked her to see what I was going to show her. She showed some interest. I showed her “Tagged” that I created especially for Alexs to flirting. I even showed to her Alexs’s messages. She was pissed off. I knew my plan was a success. In my heart, I cried hilariously. The next day, I heard them broke up. A week later, I heard them made up again. I was speechless. Why did that and was that happened?

So I had a meeting with my so-called client. He was surprised to see me; I pretended to be surprised too. Just as the way he was. The discussion that we had wasn’t really a success. It didn’t go as smooth as what I expected. We talked more about why he left me, did he remember me all these time. I didn’t care about my client and case anymore. We decided to meet again that night to discuss. “This time it is going to be more solemn”. I thought to myself. Yet again, it turned out to be something else. That night was a lust for us.

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 1

JAMIE VS ALEXS

“Yo Mama’s so stupid, she tried to drown herself in a carpool”. I began to read one of the jokes in my green ‘Yo’ mama jokes’ book. He grinned at me as if I made the euphemism came out to live. He got the meaning of the joke I spluttered out from the book. I like exaggeration. So I intently to make it funnier because I know he would like it. It was his turn to pick and read one of the jokes from the book. He took the book from me, his face was rather serious than few minutes back. But then I saw his quick smile and I smiled back to him.

“Yo’ sista’s so stupid; she tried to kiss someone’s hubby and got smacked for that”. He finished it with sarcasm. “That was not funny, why would she kiss someone’s husband?” I insisted. I tried to find the joke he read from the book. I couldn’t find it. With a splash second, I knew something was not right. He made that joke out and my assumption was correct.

“What actually you’re trying to deliver?” I muttered. I asked, seeking for clarification. His face turned unfriendly, with disgust. Out of sudden. Regardless that, I needed to know what was in his mind. He couldn’t possibly just throw that without something inflicted him to do so. I knew the time has come.

“It it something that you have to know, loving me? you are out of your mind!”. My heart shattered into pieces that was impossible to rejoin, I ran away as I knew what word he was going to throw later. I was right.

“You’re stupid, we are not going to last like this. It’s just something about you that everyone couldn’t accept it!”. I ignored him, my eyes had started to create a pool that was going to flood and spill and I ran without even looking back. Why didn’t he say this six years ago, when we were so close, when we were ‘together’?

         Six years relationship, six years memories together, it was all happy moment but I had to let him go. I had caught unmistakable symptoms that we were going to break up. Our last night together, he showed less affection, less passion. We were kissing with no hugging, he logged in facebook and chatted with another girl. I didn’t ask, I let him did whatever he wanted to do. He didn’t even kiss me good night. “Arghh”. I muttered. He didn’t respond and continued to sleep. In the morning, I had him sent me back to my house and on our way, we didn’t speak. We agreed to meet later in the evening and that was our last evening together.

My name was Jamie and I worked as D.A. (Defence Attorney) somewhere in nowhere island. I didn’t feel the need to state the name of the place here. I lived euphorically with my dog Amy Winehouse. But I rather called her Amy, I wasn’t sure myself why I named her Amy winehouse. I was not a big fan of her, a British singer and a draught. Amy wasn’t a draught either. I punched my friend in the face when he tried to give Amy liquor once upon a time. And they knew who I was. A woman of action. But I regretted for punching him, my left hand sprained for a week and you wouldn’t want to know what I can’t do during that period. Back to my Amy, she couldn’t even sound like Amy Winehouse. Hoarse and stentorian. A little husky I would say. My Amy barked and howled all the time regardless the time and it was sometimes very irritating. But I loved her, my only companion when Alexs left me. It had been five years but I couldn’t let the memories passed, flushed through my sewage system.

MORTIFICATION PREFACE

PREFACE

You’ll Never Know

How these songs I write are for you

Even though the thought of us being together makes us blue.

This wasn’t our choice, it was forced

My Juliet was stolen from my finger tips.

Sometimes I still sit up at night, and stare at the moon

Inhale my sorrows as I try and mend this wound,

With every beat I can feel what is rightfully yours

And no matter where I go, from shore to ocean shores

I’ll be screaming for you, while the sweat drips from my pores.

If only you knew, I try and forget but can’t

All these thoughts just leave me here to rant.

You’ll never know how much you mean to me.

I dream every night of what we could be

The views we promised each other one day we would see.

As much as I want to leave this place,

Sad thing is I’ll always remember your face,

And how we could always light each other up

Lighting up the ones close to us as well, but

These flames we share our flickering, 

The wind of change is sickening,

Because it is blowing us apart

And I fear if either of us depart,

It would cripple either of our hearts.

You’ll never know

How I can still feel your fingers in between my own

How your eyes made me feel at home

These our my feelings, I’m sorry that I can’t make them known.

But what bothers me more than all,

Is we will never know what could have been.

If you were to fall,

If you were to sin,

I’m scared I won’t be there to pick you up so you can carry on again.

But someone else will, and thats the end.

Never forget though,

I’m always going to be here.

Maybe not in this town, but in your heart.

Just look deep in side you, and throw that dart.

I’ll be that bullseye you can always count on, even if you belong to another.

If theres one thing I was ever taught by my mother,

It’s don’t give up, and I’m not.

Even if I am becoming old and begin to rot,

May you be the mulch for my rebirth,

And bring me back to life on this Earth.

But this is false hope,

Like an addicts last hit of dope,

Because a relationship with you is what I want to sew,

But at the end of this day, You’ll Never Know.